25 Ways You're Borrowing Self from Others
Learning to rely on your own thinking can help you manage anxiety. Relationship systems are small economies. Look closely at your family, or your workplace, and you’ll see that there is a good amount of borrowing, lending, and trading of what Dr. Murray Bowen called "self." When people close to us are in distress, we lend our abilities, our calmness, and our confidence . And when we are anxious , we borrow them from others. This system of borrowing and lending can be very effective at stabilizing relationships. But the constant, automatic borrowing of self takes its toll. I often marvel at how much “self” a person loses when they get married. When I lived alone, taking out the trash was a manageable chore. Now that my husband handles this task, it feels like a Herculean effort when he’s traveling. I can navigate well when I’m driving alone, but put him in the passenger seat, and I might ask his opinion on the route. What is it about adding anoth...