For those who never dare to say no: “I’m not angry by a rejection, only annoyed when we waste each other’s time”.

Rejection is one of the mandatory skills that we must have on the journey of growth, continuous learning, continuous collision, to be able to screen ourselves and more quality relationships.

A friend told me that his female colleague at work all day hitchhiked. At first, this guy just thought it was a coincidence, not a big deal, so he easily agreed. But after that, more and more times, the frequency also became more and more frequent. It has been nearly half a year, she always hitchhike his day, but did not mention anything about gasoline at all.

My friend began to feel anxious, so he tried to refuse politely. The next day, he told his colleague that, now he had to pick up his parents to stay with him, he needed to use the car to travel more, afraid that he could not take the shuttle anymore. Unexpectedly, my colleagues still said: “It’s okay, I just go to work and then come home, he will call me on my way, if there is something else I will find a way myself.”

Some time later, my friend found another reason: “My girlfriend saw it, she was not very happy.” The female colleague hurriedly said that she wanted to invite his girlfriend over for dinner, explaining that everything would be fine.

At this point, he felt really helpless, went to find friends to confide.

After listening to the story, I could only comment on one sentence: “You will never be able to wake up a person pretending to sleep.”

But, to be honest, maybe my friend’s colleague was completely carefree and didn’t understand the underlying meaning behind those graceful refusals. In life, a lot of people are reluctant to flatly reject others like my friend. Therefore, they like to use vague reasons to make it difficult for others to know.

For those who are quick to understand, this method is a very effective way of refusing euphemism. But for some others, they can fully understand things literally by words, not grasping the implication of the rebuff behind.

“We are all adults, have to understand. You do not need to find ways to talk down when rejecting me. Because I will not be angry just because once rejected. I am only angry when we are distracted. waste each other’s time. “
~ Chinese author

If you don’t know how to rebuff skillfully, keep applying the two words: Definitely. Do not use an implicit statement, causing the listener to hallucinate and create unnecessary suspicion or misunderstanding. That is the most beneficial way for both parties.

02.

There are two main reasons why people find it difficult to say no:

Firstly, too heavy on yourself.

Many people often think, “If I do not help, how can they escape difficulties”. Invisible, the importance of yourself is pushed too much, you have put yourself in a dilemma.

There was a girl who was invited by her colleague to be a bridesmaid because she did not know much in this city, the relationship between the two was also close, definitely had to agree to help. But unfortunately, at that time, the girl had an urgent problem in her hometown, unable to separate herself to attend the marriage of her colleagues, so she had to refuse.

After that, the girl felt extremely anxious, just afraid that her colleagues could not find other suitable bridesmaids, which negatively affected the wedding. Who expected, on the day of marriage, the colleague invited a total of 5 bridesmaids in all.

Therefore, we do not need to exaggerate our importance in the lives of people around us. In the vast majority of situations, without us, someone else would appear.

Second, fear of affecting relationships

In the novel “no longer human” by Dazai Osamu, which is ranked second in the best-selling novels in Japan, there is a saying that: “I’m afraid that, when each refusal is spoken. at the same time a crack in the heart is permanently saved, there is no way to heal.

We are always afraid to say no because we do not want to be guilty or offended, eventually affecting the relationship of the two sides. However, this mentality is synonymous with disregarding the capacity of others to accept, and indirectly important role in the heart of the opponent.

In fact, as an adult, mentally and emotionally mature, very few people will break with you because of a rejection. More importantly, if a relationship is easily influenced by the way you refuse, then it’s really not worth the effort we maintain.

03.

Of course, definitive refusal does not mean that we say cruel, non-emotional words. Taking advantage of EQ in the right place will help us to know that, instead of trying to hide it to make excuses, it is best to express thoughts accurately and clearly so that the opponent will know what he cannot do. , or cannot do.

The secret is: Sincere attitude, not intentionally extending the time.

There is a common situation in life like this: A person who wants to ask for your help, you do not refuse immediately but answer, “Today I am busy”.

The next day, the person came to ask again, you said, “Today you have to go out to work.”

On the third day, the person invites you to eat again.

On the fourth day, that person again made a suggestion, you told the truth: “I can’t help.”

The person will definitely be angry, blaming him: “Why not talk early? Waste of time and effort of others. ”

The greatest taboo when rejecting others is to extend the time without giving an answer. That not only causes the opponent to increase psychological costs, but also easily misses their work. It is this dishonest attitude that hurts more than a direct rejection from the beginning.